My Fall from the Top

It could go either way. Finding out I had gotten it while shuddering with excitement; the rush of adrenaline and self-satisfaction. It’s overwhelming and I love it all. It’s who I am, and what I’ve always wanted. It could go either way. Finding out it went to someone else meant the “punched in the gut” feeling followed by a sense of total shock and numbness. The constant reminder of failure, and the “what ifs” that keep you awake at night. There will be bigger disappointments in life; they will only make you stronger. But who knows, it could go either way.

I have always believed I was destined to be great at something, and choir was just that. School has always been important to me, but choir was different. It was the one place where I could shine and make my mark. Until recently, I had never felt the agony of defeat.

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Sure, I had occasional off days, but when the pain comes from having all your eggs in one basket, it will crush you.

I enjoyed the perks of being the top choir student. I confidently and successfully auditioned for all the solos, helped the other students with their parts, and helped select which music we were to learn next. But none of that mattered to me—what I really wanted since my freshman year was to sing the national anthem at the Homecoming football game. When the time came for me to audition, I gave it my all; however, as with most things in life, my all wasn’t good enough. The solo I had wanted for so long had gone to another, and all I was left with was the sinking feeling of falling from the top.

The night before I fell from the top, I scribbled down the starting words of this essay. I kept telling myself, “It could go either way”. It seemed like it could only be black or white, but in my anger I failed to realize that it could go a third way, and it did. I realized that if I truly were committed to the subject, I wouldn’t stop because of one setback, for adversity doesn’t build, character, but rather, shows character. The way I handled my situation would forever be a reflection of the type of person I am. I realized that if I truly cared for the subject, I would push myself harder to gain further competence rather than give up. I realized that I shouldn’t have taken for granted all those hours I spent helping my classmates with their parts, for passing on my knowledge of music is the greatest gift of them all. Finally, I realized that after all this, I should stop and thank God for even giving me a gift of melody, and I shouldn’t take that for granted. Sure, being on top feels great, but the fall from the top and the journey back up is a much more rewarding experience.